take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
