It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
