There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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