If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
