All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
