I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
