shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
