he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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