sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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