i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
