Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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