Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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