I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
