dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
