I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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