That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
