so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
