ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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