New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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