i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If that was your dad, he is hot
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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