I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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