I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Be still, my beating vagina.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
