I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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