some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
