saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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