Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
