Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A bitchslap is in order.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
