My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
