Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
