On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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