You're my little dorito
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
