if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
