Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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