Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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