I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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