oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
