guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
