I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
