I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
