He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
