How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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