Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
