angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
