Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
