make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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