It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You can't special order awesome
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
