I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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