how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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