He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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