dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
