I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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