Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
