just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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