the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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