I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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