the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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